Blue

Blue. A word that has many meanings. One of which is feeling sad. There are many times in life that one will feel down. I am no exception. I do feel sad at times. I had a particular time that I almost broke down.

“I am going to announce the top scorer of your class now.” Mrs Tan proclaimed.

“Teacher! Give out our papers quickly please!” The whole class exclaimed.

Everyone was anxious to know their English End-Of-Year examination results. It would decide whether they can advance to Secondary Three or get demoted to normal academic stream. I was counted as a top student in my school so I wished to get into the top class next year.

“John. You are the top scorer for our class this time. You improve a lot since the last Continual Assessment Two. Great effort, well done!” Mrs Tan announced.

The class was clapping and cheering for John as he was the thirteen place for English during the last examination. I was sitting at the back of the class grudging at myself for not scoring the highest for this examination. Was I too confident of myself? Or was it just John that has really improved?

Gazing at my classmates walked to the front of the class to receive their papers, the anxiety within me grew. It was the twenty-eighth place in the class already, I have yet to get my paper. I sense the fear growing within myself. As more and more people got their paper, I was denying the fact that I was the in last few places in the class.

“Mrs Tan must have misplaced my script. It definitely is. I couldn’t have been the last few students in class.” I denied to myself.

It was the thirty-ninth place and it was Tom. Fear was gripping me tightly. My heart thumped harder and harder. “Our class only had forty students since Tom was the thirty-nine, I am the last place in class. Oh my...”I fought hard to accept the fact that I was the last place in class. Mrs Tan requested me to go to the front of the class. Everyone was staring at me coldly. Murmurs among my classmates could be heard. They were discussing about me being the last place in class. I dragged my weighty legs sluggishly on the ground. I still did not believe that I was the last place. Mrs Tan flashed my examination script to me. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. Still I failed my English End-Of –Year. It was thirty marks. My desk mate who was very weak in English, got sixty-eight, a B-three.

Mrs Tan had a talk with me. “James, why did you score so badly? Was there interference? Or are you to confident about yourself?”

I had no answer to this. My eyes were on the brink of tearing. My hope of getting into the top class was smashed. Thinking of what my parents would do if I had failed my English End-Of-Year, I was horrified. They would ban me from playing computer games, watching television programmes, playing soccer with my friends. Mrs Tan’s voice broke into my thoughts. She ordered me to get back into my seat. I was still insistent that Mrs Tan had marked my script wrongly. “Mrs Tan, can u check my script again? I’m sure I would not have done so badly.” I claimed.

“I have check many times. I was, too, shocked when I marked your script. I guess you were just too confident of yourself and didn’t study for this examination.” Mrs Tan explained.

She rushed me back into my seat. I staggered reluctantly back into my seat. I landed heavily on my backside. I felt nothing, no pain at all. My mind was just thinking about what had just happened. It felt like it was just a nightmare, but it seemed too realistic to be dreaming. I pinched my arm with great force to check if I was dreaming. “Ouch!” I shrieked. I was not dreaming. All these were reality. I failed my English End-Of-Year badly.

Maybe it was like what Mrs Tan said, I was just too confident of myself that I did not study for the test. I was not beaten by anybody but myself.

Self-confident was the reason for my downfall...